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Boring Shower
updated: Jul 17, 2010, 10:00 AM

Dear Edda,

First let me say that I love your column and I think your advice is always spot on. I hope you can help me.

My younger sister is getting married, and her best friend, who was also chosen to be her maid of honor instead of me, is planning to throw a bridal shower. I have offered to help, as I have lots of experience planning very tasteful affairs, but she says she has it handled - whatever that means. She did suggest I bring an appetizer. As far as I can tell, she is planning a very casual afternoon get-together, without a caterer, and she is holding the shower at her home.

The trouble is, she is not a very good cook, and she lives in a very modest house. I think she would be much better off letting me handle the whole affair, as I live in a very large home, and know many caterers and wedding planners. Another option would be to hold the shower at a very nice restaurant. I fear that my sister's bridal shower will not be suitable, and that in the future, she will look back and regret this missed opportunity.

How can I save my little sister's bridal shower?




Dear Maven,

I think you should bring those mini-quiches from Trader Joe's - they're pretty good!


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Edda Hatte is a loving and sympathetic advice columnist who helps Edhat subscribers navigate through their complicated and stressful lives. Send your questions to askedda@edhat.com.

Comments in order of when they were received | (reverse order)

 COMMENT 90342 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-17 10:02 AM

You are probably not her best friend. This is a no-biggie. Again, are these made up questions?


 COMMENT 90345 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-17 10:11 AM

Leave her alone to do her thing. She will appreciate that more than anything. Along with the quiches from TJ's of course.


 COMMENT 90362P agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-17 11:04 AM

Edda, your best advice yet! (Even if I do think the questions are made up.)


 COMMENT 90368P agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-17 11:31 AM

Let's see. Older sister, miffed that she wasn't selected maid of honor, wants revenge. Does that cover it?


 COMMENT 90378P agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-17 12:51 PM

Be classy. Stand back and let her be successful or not - it is her day. And thank her for not including you, because you were overwhelmed with other tasks.


 COMMENT 90404 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-17 02:38 PM

my best friend chose her older sister for her maid of honor, so I guess the universe is even--in the end does it really matter.


 COMMENT 90503 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 07:52 AM

Edda's answer was "spot" on.


 COMMENT 90515 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 08:38 AM

One more reason that my mom referred to weddings as "gristly affairs".


 COMMENT 90556 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 11:55 AM

The bride made her choice. Support your sister and the maid-of-honor and bring fabulous appetizers to the event. With your experience, you can make suggestions on things that have made bridal showers you planned/enjoyed successful to help make it fun for all. It's up to the MOH if she wants to implement them. Bring your great attitude to the shower and help out where needed to make this a great day for your sister. Big or small house does not matter, as long as the guests feel welcome and are enjoying themselves and celebrating your sister.


 COMMENT 90558 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 11:56 AM

P.S.: TJ's does have the best apps. unless you're making them from scratch yourself. :-)


 COMMENT 90634 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 06:04 PM

Opening line....

"instead of me"

What else need be said? You are not the center of her universe... just adjust to that.


 COMMENT 90643P agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 06:33 PM

I think these questions really are made up. I love the praise for Edda's spot on advice in the opening of this "letter."

That said, nothing about being a bad cook or having a small house automatically equals a bad shower. Clearly, the friend is fine with the location and host. There's no way of knowing how she plans to host the party; she may be planning to have it catered. And the small house seems cozy. The best shower I've been to was at a VERY small home.


 COMMENT 90655P agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 07:29 PM

This smells like a deliberately provocative fake question, but regardless the tone of the question answers it at the same time.

Your younger sister IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU


 COMMENT 90681 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-18 11:30 PM

I am assuming this question is not "made up"!
How about stop "looking down your nose"?
"small house?" HUH??
go to Trader Joe's... and...stop trying to control everything...be happy for your sister. and be enthusiastic and supportive!

If this is a real letter.......have I just assigned......."Mission Impossible"?


 COMMENT 90820 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-19 11:18 AM

Maybe your younger sister wants to have a simple, low-stress bridal shower, and her best friend knows exactly what that means and how to implement it.

I know it hurts not to be chosen, but this IS your sister's wedding, her special day. And her special bridal shower. Take a Xanax, and try not to take it all personally.


 COMMENT 90859 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-19 12:59 PM

Relatives of the groom had a bridal shower for my daughter in a condo, it was elegant and everyone had fun. Parties are to be enjoyed no matter the size of the location. Bitter feelings take the fun away. Anyone in a wedding party usually has big expenses for the dress, shoes, etc. Suggesting a catered affair is asking too much, unless you want to pay. Best friends may have made a deal years ago to be each others maid of honor if they got married, with no reflection on the sister. My three daughters had best friends for maid of honor, no hard feelings. JP


 COMMENT 90980P agree helpful negative off topic

2010-07-19 09:21 PM

Weddings. sheeesh. Someone always gets hurt feelings. Some understandably and some not. I had a great uncle who I had never met my entire life, that I did not mean to hurt his feelings, but I didn't invite him to our wedding. Well, he went to his grave never forgiving me for not inviting him. I actually did invite him when I found out he was so upset, but it was too late and he wouldn't even acknowledge the invite. Then I actually know someone who got married and the bride hated her future sister in-law so much she didn't invite her to her bridal shower. Not a very good start for a happy family life. Things went south for the whole family. Now, no one even talks to each other. I say...Elope.


 COMMENT 99582 agree helpful negative off topic

2010-08-22 03:19 PM

Differences in opinion in family celebrations can cause a lingering split. We do not know best. Bend with the wind and enjoy the breeze. You'll get a chance to shine when you do a shower for a friend.


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